(First, if you don’t recognize the literary genre of the apology, no worries. It’s old and underused. Just know it’s a genre; I’m not sorry for anything.)

I find myself baffled by all the anti-trans legislation in various stages around the country. I understand that differences intimidate people, but I stand firm in the conviction that we should embrace and nurture our individual differences, rather than drive wedges between groups of people. Years of studying mythology, literature, and history have taught me that humanity works best when we work together (Dante says it is in our unity that we can aspire to divinity), so I question all that would divide us. And Ovid’s Metamorphoses is literally a whole work organized around the principle of change–not incidentally, then, there are characters like Iphis and Caenis who change gender.

Today I want to talk about individuals.

We all become who we are by pruning away bits we don’t want and adding new ones. We may stop smoking or quit a job or a habit that makes us unhappy. We may move and learn how to navigate a new environment, letting our perspective broaden with new experiences. We grow by learning, leaving behind older versions of ourselves.

Our bodies change too, becoming stronger and more coordinated when we’re young, and then less so again as we age (she says with her reading glasses perched on her head and a pulled muscle from going up stairs). Every time we lose weight on purpose or gain weight for muscle and strength, we change our bodies for what we hope will be a better self. Every time we practice a new skill, study a new subject, or read a new book, we realize a little more mental potential. And every time we adopt self-care habits or practice spirituality, we tend to and develop our souls.

With all these glorious changes going on every day in every person, why in the name of humanity would we draw a line where some of these changes happen to be related to gender? Right now, everyone you know is changing: kids are becoming adults; novices are becoming experts; monolinguals are becoming polyglots; couch potatoes are becoming athletes; people are becoming parents and grandparents and cousins; dabblers are becoming artists, and yes, some people are becoming women or men or discovering they’re non-binary.

Change is inevitable. Some of it happens without conscious effort, and we still praise it, as when children hit milestone birthdays or “graduate” from kindergarten. How much more do we celebrate protracted, conscientious efforts to become better versions of ourselves, as when we learn a trade, finish a rehab program, gain a certification or a degree, train for a marathon, or commit to a calling? We should show the same support for and celebrate those who are stepping into their true gender. It’s just another way to unfurl the butterfly’s wings.

And if that doesn’t work, we can always just focus on our own growth and let others get on with theirs.